Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
4 words: hood of his car
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
