you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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