I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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