I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
