If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
