Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
