Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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