Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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