Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
