do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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