just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
