Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
