New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize