At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
