my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My feet surprised me
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