ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize