i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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