i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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