You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
