this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
