You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
