this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize