i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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