Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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