I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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