I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
