Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize