my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
