You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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