just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
