its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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