8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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