a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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