im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
