so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
