i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
