i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
