And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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