i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
