just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
