my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize