My hair reeks of homosexuality.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
