Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
