do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
