I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
someone owes me an orgasm
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
