my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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