She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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