We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
