My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
