There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
