I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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