His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
