I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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