idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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