if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
