Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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