i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
