physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
