yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
