I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
