Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
