It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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