I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
