Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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