I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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