Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My dick has a subreddit
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
