how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
