Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize