I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
