Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im holly from the hills drunk
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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