You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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