I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
