I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
